Before & After | Heat Shrinking

It's difficult to write about complex or technical topics in a manner that is easily understood by non-expert readers.

Nonetheless, it's a common challenge in today's business environment. This example, like several others we've shared, relates to Lean manufacturing and engineering.

The engineer’s goal, in this instance, was to clearly explain the concept of heat shrinking for both general and expert readers. Let's see how he handled the description.

Notice the Before version has a number of issues, including the fact the sentence has no subject.

Before
The physical property of a material that has it expanding at some value with each degree of heat that is applied allows the tool holder ID to expand to a point that allows the tool to slide in. Word count: 38
After
Heat-shrinking is used to insert a tool into a tool holder. As heat is applied to the tool holder, the inside diameter (ID) expands and the tool is inserted. When it cools, the holder contracts to firmly grip the tool. Word count: 39
This is just an excerpt of the full description, but it’s representative.

Often, we use these examples to demonstrate how to reduce word count and streamline content. Here, the After version has a higher word count, but it conveys more information.

As always, this is just one possible solution. How would you handle it?

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